It's like Christmas, without the countdown...

You know how every year you look forward to Christmas? (At least I do...) You wait all year for the day to arrive. You start the shopping and the music in November, you make your grocery lists and plan for your meals, you figure out the travel arrangements, you start wrapping your presents, and then you start counting down the days to the big day on December 1st. You anticipate the family, the excitement, the decorations, the smells, the sights, the gift exchanges, the happiness, etc. Stores make mega bucks off of countdown calendars where little kids (or big kids like me) can remove a number for each day to count down to the holiday. You try to have everything ready a week or so before Christmas so that you can just try to relax, visit with family and friends, and enjoy the season. And then you wait with anticipation....

Well I feel like the past three weeks have been like the Christmas countdown for me. I have cleaned the house (many times), stocked up the pantry, done laundry (many times), ran last minute errands, organized closets and cabinets and shelves, prepared Parker's nursery, packed his diaper bag, packed our hospital bags, read books on newborns, taken care of car maintenance, completed house projects, completed thank you notes, finished and scrapbooked Parker's baby shower photo album, sent a trazillion emails catching up on things from the year, caught up on all doctor's appointments, read three books for pleasure, and so on and so forth. Everything that you think that could be done, I've done it.

Now it's all done...and Parker is not here. Not only is Parker not here...there are no signs that he's coming any time soon. No contractions, no dropping, no pain, nothing....Unlike Christmas where I can count down to the day, I am trying to wait patiently for a day that I can't count down to. Is it tomorrow or two weeks? I don't know...but what I do know is that the anticipation is starting to wear on me. The anxiety is not from being uncomfortable or tired of being pregnant or dealing with pain. I've felt great! The anxiety is from wanting to meet my son, hold him in my arms, kiss his chubby cheeks and toes, tell him in person that I love him, and start our family. I know everyday is like a ticking time bomb, but I don't know how long the fuse is..and right now it seems like it's a mile long.

I can't sleep at night because I keep praying that my water will break when I get up to go to the bathroom or that strong contractions will start. And then the night passes and nothing.....then a new day begins....and nothing....

Everyone says, "Enjoy this time. Relax. Read a book. Lay on the couch and watch a movie. Take care of yourself. Do something to enjoy your time alone because once he's here you won't have any. " But I think what people don't understand is that I'm ready to be sharing my "alone time" with my son. I can't enjoy my time right now because I'm so anxious to be a mommy. I try to read and my mind wanders to Parker. I lay on the couch to watch TV and I can't sit still. I get 10 phone calls or texts a day asking if Parker has made his entrance yet. This only adds to the difficulty of waiting. I know people are just as anxious as me and want Parker to come too, but it makes the waiting hard for me. Believe me people...I will shout it from the rooftop once our little guy arrives. You will know he is here...

I know that he'll come out on his own time, when he's ready, and when the timing is right. I just wish he knew how much he was killing his mommy right now making me wait on him...

Just like Christmas, I want to count down to the big day. Just like Christmas, decorations are hung, family is waiting to come into town, house is clean, presents are bought, the anticipation is high....now we are waiting on the birth of our son (and I don't know how much longer I can do it).